Sleep Demons

In the past few weeks, I have often awakened with my heart racing and my pulse pounding, in what appears to be a state of panic. It has been happening less frequently lately, but nonetheless it's a terrible way to wake up, particularly when you should be relaxed during a nap after your two biggest finals. And, as the trails of the dream about CS that invariably caused the reaction dissipate and I realize I'm back in reality, I curse my subconscious. It's not fair to work so hard to stop thinking about someone, only to have him come visit you in your dreams, over which you have no control.

It's in these moments that I curse the guy who said, "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." That guy is an idiot. Loving and losing sucks, plain and simple, and I would really prefer to go back to never knowing what any of it was like.

So if anyone knows of a doctor like the one in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" who erases your memories for you, please do let me know. I would love to pay him a visit over the holidays. Then again, in that movie, the guy just meets the girl again and it starts all over because it was destined to happen. Fate, baby. Gotta love it.

Hmmm it seems I'm just as intelligent in bed as I am in the bathroom! Perhaps I should spend more time in my pajamas, expounding on deep things like fate and love and percentages.